In this post, I’m going to write about one of the way on how to maintain long distance relationship, which is to survive the couple fight.
Let’s face the reality, there is no way a couple will never fight throughout their relationship. There is no such thing as smooth sailing relationship that never meets the waves or hurricane.
If you tell me that you and your partner never ever fight or quarrel, I would tell you that you should be careful instead, because that means one of you is hiding or suppressing their feeling, which one day will lead to a nasty explosion that you wouldn’t want.
Before I get to on how I solve the fight in my long distance relationship. There are few things that you need to know which is:
Why is there still quarrel and spat on 2 people that love each other so much?
You and your partner are two different unique human beings that has different personality. The way you two grow up is different too especially when you’re from different countries, you have different culture and point of view.
Women and men thinks differently which also lead to most of the couple quarrel out there.
Women think in wires that connects with each other. Men thinks in boxes, where their boxes only has one topic in it. And also, the boxes doesn’t touch each other! This is why women tends to make assumption from a sentence that has been said from our partner.
Women also like to talk about our problems with our partner. Which most of the time, we just want them to listen, but in men’s nature, they are born to solve problems. When they hear the person they love is in distress, they natural action is to fix it. This sometimes also leads to spat especially when he already offered the solution to fix it but you just keep on talking about it because you want to let it out.
What is a healthy fight?
It is perfectly normal and healthy for a couple to fight once in a while. Long distance couple relies a lot on text and text usually doesn’t have any emotion. One person may read it without any emotion, but the other person may happen to be angry and read it with another tone.
This is where misunderstanding can happen.
The most important thing is that when you two fight:
- You still show respect to one another
- No name-calling
- No threatening each other
- The two of you still looks for way to solve this problem
In the end of the day, no matter how tough the fight went, when you two made up, he or she is still somebody who is one of the person whom you love the most.
What is an unhealthy fight?
Yes, fight between couple are normal but if things get out of hand and falls into the red zone, then you should actually think twice about continuing this relationship with your partner.
Here are some keys to know if you’re fight is unhealthy:
- The two of you don’t show respect to each other anymore. The fights always ends up with one person making the other person feel like he or she is a low-life being
- The fight occurs every day
- Some form of abusive appear like threatening or had posted something in the social media to embarrass you in front of your friends and family
- He or she is seeking for revenge against you because of a fight
- The two of you don’t bother to solve the problem together anymore
If this is happening to your long distance relationship, you should seek help and separate as you two might not mean for each other.
How to solve fights and misunderstanding?
The most important key to solve fights is communication!
Here is a story of a fight that we had early in our relationship:
At first, I was having a hard time adjusting with his works schedule. Since he works in a night shift and I work on day shift. There is only an hour a day when we get to spend time together. I tried to stay strong and didn’t say it out how I truly feel, but my emotion betrayed me. I started to act differently, not talking much and it just makes things worse, like I would get angry at him easily or feel like he don’t understand me.
He notice something was wrong and told me to tell what my true feeling is and what I really want. He didn’t get angry or upset that I kept things bottled up or I’m having emotions that I can’t control. Instead, we work this out together and solve our problem.
Some other important keys to solve couple fights are:
- Give each other some space for him or herself to calm down. You don’t talk with senses when you’re angry or too upset.
- Learn to let go. Some stuff are not worth fighting for. If it doesn’t give big impact in both of your life, chances are, the small spat that you have will be forgotten so don’t hold grudges! Learn to forgive one another.
- Never drag the fight overnight. Once the night has pass, the two of you shouldn’t bring it up again after you sleep. So if there is any issue, it’s better that you solve it before you sleep. Plus you won’t be able to sleep well too when you two are on bad terms.
- Don’t bring up old fight that has nothing to do with the current fight you’re having. It is not wise to dig a bigger hole that will make you hurt more. Keep it to the present!
All in all…
In order to know how to maintain long distance relationship, you have to know how to handle things when you and your partner fights. You have to understand that there is difference between the two of you because we are all a unique human being. So it’s generally healthy for a couple to have fights unless it is getting overboard like you fight every day and one of the party is being emotionally abuse or threatened.
The most important key to solve a fight is to communicate, others being giving each other some space, learning to let go so it doesn’t get drag overnight and keeping things to the present fight only.
I hope this post has helped you in how to maintain a long distance relationship.
Please drop a comment if there are things you don’t quite understand or would like me to write about. Have a good day!